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Criticism or Personal Attack?

While our survey revealed abusive managers/coworkers as a problem, these workers may be honestly surprised at their effects on others, according to emotional intelligence guru Daniel Goleman. He sees the ability to understand how our words and behavior affect others as a part of emotional intelligence.

When we criticize an employee we have all sorts of names for it - performance feedback, evaluation, annual review. Most managers dread giving criticism to their subordinates and most employees dread hearing it. We don't believe it is ever going to be easy, but managers may improve their emotional intelligence at work by applying some advice from Harry Levinson on providing criticism without being abusive.

Be specific. Don't tell your employees "You need to shape up around here." Give a specific incident, "You were late three times this week. There were people waiting outside when I arrived to open up. We lose customers when they come and we are closed even after our normal opening hours."

Be aware, though, that even with the best of intentions and the "best practices" from the latest management books, the reservation IS different. We strongly recommend reading this case study on providing feedback to a new worker, from our Courageous Leaders workshop. As we state in the case study, many workers on the reservation have limited prior work experience and few working role models within their own families.

Ask for the solution you want. As with the XYZ in conflict resolution, let your employee know what it is that you want him or her to do differently. Be very specific here also. "Your working hours are from 8 a.m. to 4 p.m. You need to be here at 8 a.m. to open up unless it is an emergency. If there is an emergency and you cannot be here at 8 a.m. I want you to call me as soon as you know, not at five minutes to eight like you did last Thursday."