For those of you who have been monitoring this website, you may have noticed the number of blogs posted have diminished this past week. The reason is I was diagnosed with prostate cancer a couple of months ago, and I have since been busy taking steps to combat my cancer.
The love and concern that has been shown to me by my family, relatives, friends, colleagues, and acquaintances has been overwhelming. Hardly a day goes by without someone asking me, "How do you feel?" Due to the frequency of the inquiries, and the length of time it takes to respond to them, I am going to start referring people to this blog when they ask, "how do you feel?"
A couple of weeks ago, I went through an operation to remove my prostate, however, after the doctor made the incision, he found microscopic traces of cancer cells in my lymph nodes. The way I understand it, my prostate cancer cannot kill me unless it has reached one of my vital organs (heart, liver, lungs, etc.). I was told that my cancer has not. What is troubling, however, is my PSA level was 26.8. A PSA level of 20 or more is usually a strong indicator that the cancer has spread, hence the radiation treatment. However, other then microscopic traces of cancers in my lymph nodes, there are no other signs that the cancer has spread. But I do not know for sure; only time will tell.
After my operation, I was sent to the Altru Cancer Center. I met with a Dr. Winchester, and he told me I would have to undergo 37 radiation treatments. In preparation for my treatments, I had my body tattooed (among other things), or mapped so technicians would know what area of my body to expose to radiation. We agreed my radiation treatments would start November 17, and I will have a total of 37 treatments with weekends, Thanksgiving, and Christmas days off. Because I am from out of town (the treatments are done in Grand Forks), he made it easy on me by letting me pick the times of the 15-minute treatments.
November 17, the date of my first treatment, has come and gone, so I have already started my radiation treatments. My weekly radiation schedule is: Monday afternoons at 4:00; I spend Monday nights in Grand Forks; my Tuesday treatment is at 9:00 in the morning, after which I drive home. I return Wednesday afternoon for a 4:00 PM treatment, then spend the night in Grand Forks. Thursday, my treatment is at 9:00 AM, and I drive home. Friday, I return for my final weekly treatment at 4:00 PM.
Two colleagues of mine, Dr. Garl Rieki and his wife Dr. Judy Rieki, have generously offered me the use of their spare bedroom in their basement (at no cost to me, I might add) until December 10 when they move to Minneapolis. After that, I will rent a motel room for the remaining four weeks of my treatments.
I have done a lot of research on prostate cancer, and what I found makes me extremely optimistic. First, I am not alone. Most men, if they live long enough, will experience some type of prostate cancer. Second, most prostate cancer is slow growing and highly curable. Third, many friends and acquaintances have told me they know someone who has prostate cancer and is doing well. My old friend and mentor, Dr. Berg, who came to visit me last week, reminded me he had prostate cancer and received radiation treatment for it. That was 20 years ago and he is still fairly healthy.
Naturally, I wanted to find out what my chances were of surviving prostate cancer, so I searched the web for statistics. Here are excerpts from an article titled, Prostate Cancer Key Statistics, from the American Cancer Society, 2008.
➢ Prostate cancer is the most common cancer, other than skin cancers, in American men.
➢ About 1 man in 6 will be diagnosed with prostate cancer during his lifetime, but only 1 man in 35 will die of it.
➢ More than 9 out of 10 prostate cancers are found in the local and regional stages (local means it is still confined to the prostate; regional means it has spread from the prostate to nearby areas, but not to distant sites, such as bone).
➢ The 5-year relative survival rate for men whose prostate cancers have already spread to distant parts of the body at the time of diagnosis is about 32 percent.
➢ Five-year survival rates refer to the percentage of men who live at least 5 years after their prostate cancer is first diagnosed. Keep in mind that many patients live much longer than 5 years after diagnosis.
➢ According to the most recent data, for all men with prostate cancer, the relative 10-year survival rate is 91 percent and the 15-year survival rate is 76 percent. - Source: American Cancer Society
I felt much better about my chances of survival after reading this article - of course, there is still the uncertainty of not knowing if my cancer has spread to other parts of my body.
Last week, I was invited to speak at a pow-wow about my cancer. The other two speakers were cancer survivors. When they finished, I stood and spoke. I have tried to recreate my speech below. Although, I have added to what I said at the pow-wow, the central message is the same. Here is what I said.
I am honored to have been asked to speak today. The other two speakers talked about surviving cancer. Because I was recently diagnosed with cancer, I cannot talk about surviving ... maybe in five years I will be able to.
My first reaction to discovering my cancer was shock. My next reaction was disbelief and denial. I thought it couldn't be true. After reality set in my immediate thought was a quick trip to the doctor and everything will be all right. However, when I went on-line and read up on prostate cancer, I realized I still had to undergo an operation to remove my prostate, which would result in all kinds of nasty side effects. The operation to remove my prostate was suspended midway through the procedure when my lymph nodes were tested and microscopic traces of cancer was found. The doctor did not take my prostate, but I was told I was going to have to go through radiation treatment.
The hardest part was telling my children. What I dislike most about my cancer is not the fact I might eventually die from it, or the side effects that result from it, but the sorrow and sadness it has caused my children. I am not scared to go to the Spirit World. Why should I be? My son, my mother, and my relatives are there. However, I understand my children love me very much. They also expect me to live forever, and those are the reasons they are taking the news so hard.
I think my children did not understand my reaction, or maybe my lack of reaction, when I first found out I had cancer, and then my seemingly calm acceptance of news that it had spread to the lymph nodes. I do not want to go to the Spirit World until I have lived another 15 - 20 years. But what they do not understand is when I grew up, most adults did not live past sixty. So, I never expected to live long, either. The way I see it, if cancer does kill me, I will be living out my normal life span, anyway. In addition, I am partially paralyzed on my left side due to a broken back, and my disability may well worsen as I grow older, something I dread. So what are a few years, more or less, when you're old?
There is a saying that goes something like this, "Life is a bitch, then you die." Well, my life hasn't been a bitch. Sure I had my ups and downs, but the Wakan Takan has given me a wonderful life and many blessings.... I can't complain. I have four wonderful children, and many beautiful grandchildren. I have been a third grade teacher, a GED instructor, a tribal college academic dean and college president. I have been the first Spirit Lake tribal member born and raised on the Spirit Lake reservation to receive a doctorate degree. Four years ago, Dr. AnnMaria De Mars, my sister, April, and I founded Spirit Lake Consulting, of which I am now the sole owner. I can't and I won't complain now that I have cancer. For me to feel sorry for myself and get angry is to disrespect the Creator and all the blessings he has given me over the course of my life.
I want to say I have received nothing but positive support from my family, friends, relatives, and tribal members. Indians are the most generous of all people. Their kindness, sympathy, and generosity are overwhelming. How can I feel sorry for myself with so many people demonstrating their support for me?
In closing, I have a firm belief in Wakan Tanka. Wakan Tanka does not make mistakes. It is my belief in Wakan Tanka that helps me accept the good with the bad. I enjoy life when it is good, and I persevere when life is rough, and my belief in Wakan Tanka will help me accept whatever direction my cancer takes.
Thank you for inviting me to speak to you today.
I am happy my radiation treatments have started. I am anxious to put them behind me.
I remember preparing for and attending the College Board of Regents meetings first as an Academic Dean (five years) and then as President (five years). There were some good years, when the respect between regent members and me was high, and then there were the years when it was not so good.
Since then, I have sat on the other side of the fence, as a board member, many times. The majority of the problems I encountered as college president and as a board member could be contributed to a lack of trust and respect between the governing board and the Chief Executive Officer (CEO).
In order for an organization to maximize its potential, there has to be absolute trust and respect between the CEO and members of the governing board. Unfortunately, due to human nature, this is very hard to achieve, and in Indian Country other factors make it virtually impossible.
It all comes down to this . . . who makes the decisions, the governing board or the CEO? The more trust and respect there is between a governing board and its CEO, the more the governing board is inclined to let the CEO make the decisions. The less trust and respect between the governing board and CEO, the more the governing board is inclined to make the decisions.
Then, there is the personality of the CEO. He/she may be the kind of administrator who is okay with the governing board making the majority of the decisions. He/she will offer very few recommendations, and instead, will continuously ask the board, "what do you want to do?" In my view, this CEO's education, knowledge, and experience are being wasted.
Then there are administrators, like me. As academic dean and then college president, I very seldom asked the governing board what they wanted to do. Instead, I would prepare my case, recommend a course of action, and ask for their approval or disapproval on what I wanted to do. Simply put, when people would ask me what I did to earn my president's salary, I would promptly say, "I earn my money by making tough decisions."
What do you think?
Over the past twenty plus years, I sat on many different tribal boards and committees (and non-tribal boards as well), the College Board of Regents, the TERO Board of Commissioners, the Law and Order Committee, the District School Board, and many ad hoc committees. I also attended board meetings as a guest or I was placed on the agenda for some reason or another.
It is my opinion most tribal boards do not follow Robert's Rules of Order, or if they do, they follow it very loosely. This lack of structure allows, among other things, some meetings to run several hours. Unless a board/committee meeting is intended to last several hours, most board meetings should last 2 - 4 hours at the most. Meetings lasting several hours is a sign of a dysfunctional board.
Four years ago, I was elected to the state school board. New board members are not sworn in until all old business is taken care of. At my first meeting, I sat and waited for the "old" board to wrap up old business. Because there was only three items under old business, I thought, "this shouldn't take long." Boy, was I wrong! Five hours later, the board finally acted on the third item on the agenda. I was finally sworn in. The election for officers was held, and I was voted in as board president. The first words out of my mouth were something to the effect, "We are not going to sit here for 5 hours every time we have a meeting. Our meetings will last no longer than 1 - 2 hours."
For the past four years, I kept my word, in spite of fierce opposition from board members who appeared to be willing to talk as long as it took to get their way. At first, my approach to moving board meetings along was simple. If we spent more than 15 minutes on an item, I would suggest we wrap up the discussion and move on. This usually elicited a howl of protest from the board member (or members) who wanted to keep discussing the issue, and at times a verbal confrontation would ensue. A few times, I would end up asking the board to take a vote on whether or not we wanted to move on. Fortunately, the vote was always to "move on."
Then, at a National School Board Association (NSBA) conference, I attended a workshop conducted by Jim Slaughter, who is a Certified Professional & Professional Registered Parliamentarian (I can't remember the title of the workshop). His approach was to use Robert's Rules of Order to address the problem of a meeting lasting several hours. Probably the most important thing I learned from this workshop is no board member has the right to hold the others hostage by demanding to talk until he/she gets his/her way. Jim Slaughter had several hand outs, one of them titled, Parliamentary Motions Match-Up, that is based on Robert's Rules of Order Newly Revised (10th Edition). Assuming a board is willing to follow Robert's Rules of Order there are several motions a board member may make to move the meeting along:
1. Move to Amend, which will place a limit on the time or number of speakers.
2. Move for a Parliamentary Inquiry that allows a matter to be sent to a smaller group to consider and report.
3. Call for a Point of Order that will end the debate immediately.
4. Move to Recess that allows a member to ask a question relevant to business (but not procedure)
5. Move to Limit/Extend Debate that will allow modification to another motion by adding, deleting, or changing words.
There are always two sides to an issue. The next time I attended a NSBA conference, I went to a workshop titled, Effective Meetings: A Balance of Democracy vs. Efficiency. How a meeting is run depends on what you value. According to the presenter, efficiency is a value where time and tasks are driving factors. It enables the board to do a lot of work in the least amount of time. Democracy can guarantee that everyone has a say, but democracy does not guarantee you will get your way. I admit, when it comes to boards and committees, the majority of the time, I value efficiency over democracy. Listed below are concepts that support efficiency, democracy, and civility:
1. Concepts that support efficiency:
- Consent Agenda
- Call the Question
- Motion to Reconsider
- Postpone Indefinitely
- Motion to Adjourn
- Motion to Recess
2. Concepts that support democracy:
- Approving the Agenda
- Sequencing the Agenda
- Rearranging the Agenda
- Appealing the Decision of the Chair
3. Concepts that support efficiency civility:
- No one speaks a second time until everyone has had a chance to speak once
- Question of privilege (may we turn up the heat?)
- Point of Order (A request to enforce the rules)
- Dignifying, not demonizing, comments made by fellow board members and comments by the public
In my opinion, as a board member, regardless if you support the concept of efficiency or the concept of democracy, you should support the concept of civility and organization. You do not attend a board meeting representing yourself; instead, you attend meetings with the knowledge that you are representing the constituents. Insisting on getting your way, disrespecting and/or ignoring the opinions of fellow board members, pushing your personal agenda, advocating for your best friend and/or relatives, and not accepting the majority vote of the board are examples of board behaviors you do not want to exhibit. These actions as well as resorting to tactics such as talking out or talking down to other board members and creating chaos by ignoring Robert's Rules of Order does irreparable harm to the organization you are appointed to represent.
Our ancestors could not have survived without courage. They needed courage in battle, courage in hunting, courage in enforcing tribal laws and customs, courage in facing the elements, and courage when making decisions that would impact the well-being of the entire tribe.
A man could not be a successful hunter, scout, warrior, and leader if he did not have courage. Courage was important in the roles women played in tribal society as well. Although an enemy war party might strike at any time, the women would leave the shelter of the village and go pick berries and other vegetables, haul water, and do other tasks. They had to have the courage to turn their sons over to an older relative as they became of age to become a warrior. Finally, they had to have the courage to stand quietly as their young sons went on the warpath for the first time.
In all Native tribes, courage, whether it was moral or physical, was essential. Native American Indians honor courage/bravery. Here is an excerpt from Dorreen Yellow Bird's column in the Grand Forks Herald titled, Tradition, ritual at a solder's funeral.
In the 1870s, a Hidatsa man called Scar Face went up north with six warriors and ran into a larger group of enemy Crees. The Crees were behind a wagon and shooting at them. The Hidatsa man knew it was death for them all. So he ran low, zig zagging toward the Crees. This gave the rest of the band a chance to find cover. He was killed, but he Crees, who usually scalped their enemy, didn't scalp him. Instead, they brought out a white Hudson Bay blanket - prized during that time - and laid him on it. They honored him because he was brave, Mandan said. That is true of all Indian people: "We honor bravery."
Another example of bravery, here is a story about a father who was willing not to plead for his son's innocence, but to take the punishment meant for his son:
TICHOU MINGO, an Acolapissa Indian of the Osage nation, and their most expert hunter, killed a Choctaw, 1756. The French demanded his death. His father arose in council and offered himself in his son's place, in a touching plea, at once accepted. My son is dying valiantly, but since he is young and vigorous, he is more capable than I to feed his mother, his wife, and four small children. He must live in order to take care of them. I am at the end of my life. I have lived enough. I wish that my son may live to be as old as I am so he can raise my grandchildren properly. I am no longer good for anything. A few years more or less will make no difference. I have lived like a man; I want to die the same way. That is why I am going to take the place of my son.
Is fear a new Indian tradition?
How could I propose such a thing when this Tribal Leaders Institute is based on my tribe's proud tradition of courage?
Here's why ... One of our favorite tactics to accomplish our goals is to use fear rather than fairness and decency. We organize family, friends, and attack anyone who disagrees with us to frighten them into giving in to our demands. We use fear to the extent that most tribal employees do not speak up when they see someone committing a wrongful act, because of fear.
Everywhere we look, we see the results of fear. Policies and procedures are ignored. Nepotism and favoritism is rampant throughout our work places. People are fired without due process. We have a high unemployment rate, yet a huge number of our jobs are filled with non-Indians, and/or non-tribal members. Tribal members and tribal leaders alike are afraid to speak up due to fear.
Gus Lee and Diane Elliott-Lee view courage as so essential to leadership, they wrote a book entitled, Courage: The Backbone of Leadership. They found that we tolerate unethical acts at work and look the other way when we observe character failings because of our lack of courage. The Lees also say courageous leaders inspire ethical behavior from their workers because they first require it from themselves. Great leaders from Aristotle to Sir Winston Churchill deemed courage "the first of all human qualities."
Our ancestors were prideful people. They would give up their life to prove their courage. Little Crow, at the beginning of the Great Sioux Uprising, told his warriors, although he believed going to war would mean the death of all of them, he would join them on the warpath because he was no coward.
We need tribal workers and leaders who are proud to be known for their moral courage as opposed to known for their ability to ride the fence. Which reminds me, I remember a tribal member who served on the councils for many years, yet I never heard him/her say "yes" or "no". He/she always avoided a direct answer. I don't know, maybe that individual is proud of avoiding giving a direct answer. How about you?
Addressing crime on Indian reservations has been big news lately. Senate Indian Affairs Committee Chairman, Byron Dorgan (D-ND) said,
"We are seeing crime levels on some Indian reservations reach epidemic proportions. Studies predict that more than one in three Native American women will be raped in their lifetimes, and two in five will be victims of physical abuse. Drug traffickers are targeting Indian reservations as safe havens because of the lack of police presence and the disjointed system of justice that is in place."
At the United Tribes Tribal Leaders Summit (September 3-4, 2008, which I attended), a session on Law Enforcement and Jurisdictional Issues was held. I listened to tribal leaders talk about the crime issue, and I heard a young Native American representing the BIA talk eloquently of his efforts to fight crime on Indian Reservations.
It was heartening to know there are attempts being made to restore law and order on Indian reservations. However, what is never mentioned is the lawlessness that exists in some non-typical areas. Let me explain.
As a member of our Law and Order Committee for three years, I became familiar with the most common types of crime on our reservation; public intoxication, assaults, DUI's, etc. I also became acquainted with issues that are not commonly classified under Law and Order; policies and procedures not being followed, court orders not being obeyed, no follow-up on complaints, school concerns not addressed by social services or Tribal Court, nepotism, favoritism, abuse of authority - the list goes on. In fact, most of the "law and order" issues we dealt with on our Law and Order Committee were of these non-classified type infractions. This led me to realize how little law and order we have on our reservation. When I was asked to speak as a member of the Law and Order Committee at the monthly meeting of the General Assembly, this realization led me to say, "We don't have law and order on our reservation."
In my opinion, the lawlessness that exists in these non-typical areas contributes to the root causes of common types of crime in the news today. Here is an example of one non-typical type of lawlessness that adds to more common types of crime rate on Indian Reservations; the unfair selection of homes for people on the waiting list. Most reservations are in desperate need of housing. It is not uncommon for a reservation to have a need for 300 - 500 additional homes. While there are good housing administrators out there, politics often influences who will receive a home. Many times a member of the tribal council or his/her relative will receive a house even though the individual is not on the waiting list (or way down on the waiting list). This type of unethical selection for homes is really disheartening for our young people, some who have been on the waiting list for years. Many of these young people are still idealistic and look up to tribal leaders and expect them to be fair. What kind of message does it give these young people when the "official list" is ignored in favor of a person with political influence? Unethical and cowardly decisions make them realize that if they want to get ahead, they also must be willing to be unethical. Alas, another courageous and ethical young tribal member will be lost to the "dark side" of reservation politics.
I have been in DC attending an Impact Aid conference. During one noon break, I had lunch with an Ojibwa woman from Minnesota. When professional Indian people get together and talk, the conversation sometimes turns to ethical issues in Indian Country. Like most Indians who live on a reservation, I am good at identifying unethical actions prevalent in the workplace on reservations, and like most people who talk about unethical issues, I have not had any real solution - until now. My company's Tribal Leaders With Character training program and the coming Tribal Leaders Institute workshops do offer a solution. However, to effectively address a problem, you have to understand the causes. With that in mind, here is what I told my companion.
When a free-roaming, freedom-loving people such as our ancestors are defeated militarily, and placed in the confines of a small space like a reservation, they lose much of who they are. We lost our customs and culture that kept peace and harmony in tribal villages. Alcoholism and other social ills have created a dysfunctional atmosphere that plagues us to this day. Lying, stealing, and cheating one another, which was unheard of 150 years ago, have become commonplace. Abuse of all kinds has begun to occur on a regular basis. Our ancestor's values of courage, honesty, perseverance, and generosity have been forgotten. However, early in the formation of reservations, most of these social ills had been confined within extended families.
Then in the 60s, President Lyndon Johnson declared his "war on poverty" that he called The Great Society, and federal funding began to trickle into the reservations. At first, other than creating a few more jobs, the impact was minimal. Even so, it did not take long for a few astute unethical individuals to realize the potential that would come from controlling this new source of funding.
Because our people knew nothing but poverty and paid no attention to unwanted government, they did not take notice of the early signs of corruption. By the time they began to sit up and take notice, the seeds of corruption were already well established in Indian Country. Unethical behavior soon became the norm, and would be passed down from generation to generation up until the present.
We have children who grew up learning how to lie, cheat, and steal to get their way, and to intimidate the few ethical people who were trying to stand up to them. What is the solution? We need tribal members and tribal leaders to act courageously and stand up and say, "We have had enough!" If one tribal council member or one tribal member would consistently speak up against unfair decisions in a courageous ethical manner, he/she would soon have support from other like-minded tribal members. When this happens, children will observe this courageous leadership and grow up practicing it.
Every so often, in Indian country, we hear a story about a tribal worker having put up with enough unethical behavior so he/she speaks up in an attempt to do something about it. We all say, "Good! It's about time something was done to ____________. Then we wait for the axe to fall, the person to get reprimanded, suspended, or maybe fired... but nothing happens. A couple of days go by, a week goes by, a month goes by, and soon the issue becomes old news. What happened?
Perseverance, or lack of it is what happened. Perseverance is when a person says or does something over and over and over again, a steady and continued action or statement, usually over a long period, and especially in spite of difficulties or set backs. The person continues to draw attention to a problem over and over again until the problem is dealt with.
Our ancestors cultivated perseverance. In fact, it was so important to them, they made perseverance one of their core values. Back then, rules were rules of survival and if they weren't followed, the whole tribe was at risk. Those who enforced the rules persevered in their chastisements until individuals conformed to the law. Without perseverance, our ancestors would not have survived the world they lived in. Their perseverance is one of the main reasons why we, their descendants, are here today.
But nowadays, anytime a tribal member attempts to rectify an unethical situation, he/she runs into a variety of obstacles such as personal attacks against their character, or their supervisor and/or the tribal council being reluctant to take action. Often it is pure apathy, the "so what" attitude. The "everyone does it" type of attitude. Unless a person has a great deal of perseverance/fortitude, he/she will soon succumb to the obstacles or pressures to ethical change and give up.
Several months ago, it was brought to my attention that a certain individual was, to put it lightly, not following the guidelines of his/her office and neglecting his/her job duties. I put together enough information to support my case that this person was abusing his/her situation, brought it to the attention of the appropriate individuals, and waited for justice to take its course.
I wasn't too surprised when nothing happened. Our leaders are not known for their ability to make quick decisive decisions even in the face of overwhelming evidence. What did surprise me was the identity of some of the people who did nothing. After all, I had known these individuals most of my life, and I knew they knew the difference between right and wrong. However, fear can be a huge motivating factor when you are in a position of authority.
Fear is the greatest enemy of perseverance. There is the fear of losing your job, fear of losing an election, fear of people being angry with you, and fear of confrontation with angry aggressive people. There are many other reasons why people are scared to do what is right. One of them that can be applied in this case is physical fear. When you have individuals who are good at and do not hesitate to intimidate others by shouting and threatening physical violence, people do get scared.
Fortunately, we have progressed enough that physical intimidation only goes so far. Although I was not able to have the individual held accountable, I believe I laid the groundwork for those who eventually made the decision to take some action. The latest news is the certain individual did eventually get his/her just dues. He/she is no longer working for that particular program. All because some individuals, myself and a few others, had the perseverance to insist on doing what is ethically and morally right.
Every so often, someone will not only notice your ethical, courageous behavior, but they will do something unusual. They will commend you for it. Such was the case a few days ago. After taking significant verbal abuse at a meeting for standing on my principals, I went home and was feeling pretty low when I received an email which lifted my spirits and made it all worth while. Below is excepts from the email:
"I respect you as a man and the life you have chosen to lead. You represent the experiences of many of life's tough challenges, yet you have a mindset to endure and prevail. I have told you before that I consider you a friend because of the character you portray and how that character influences the life, you lead. To me that is a true warrior that is what a man wants in terms of the legacy he leaves behind.
Some people have criticized you because of the way you think. Those people have no idea what it is to think that far out of the box. To me thinking is one of the pleasures of life that goes unused by most people. Your life experiences coupled with a formal education gives you much power in the living existence. People are jealous of those gifts and fight those who can think in this dimension. It's a gift you have.
It's good to know you.
I want to start by congratulating Four Winds graduating class of 2006. Let's give them a round of applause please.
I am very proud to be standing before you as your guest speaker. To have the privilege of speaking in front of the 2006 Four Winds high school graduates, the staff of Work Winds Community School, and community members is truly a great honor. Because it is a great honor to speak at this event, I tried to pick a topic that would not reflect my personal animosities, and I tried to stay away from a topic that would denigrate any one individual, or group of individuals. Instead, I tried to pick a topic that will empower at least one individual, especially one of the young men and woman graduating today, as he or she goes about their daily life.
I am going to talk briefly today about two closely related characteristics; self-responsibility, or responsibility to one's self and self-honestly. What is self-honesty? It is when you know your actions, habits, deeds are wrong and are willing to change them. It's as simple as that. While total self-honesty/self responsibility may not be possible, I truly believe those individuals who work hard at practicing these two virtues are better students, better parents, better employers and employees, and generally more successful in their lives then those who do not.
Now a person, especially a young person may ask the question, "What is self-responsibility/self honesty?" That's a good question. A very wise person once told me, "next time you are feeling sorry for yourself because something is going wrong in your life, try tracing what ever is going wrong back into your past, and if you are honest with yourself, you will discover that at some point in the past, you could have done something back then to prevent the wrong that is happening today." He went on to say, "if you do that every time something goes wrong in your life, you will find that you could have prevented 90% of those bad things from happening to you. However, recognizing the source of what went wrong is not enough." He went on to say, "you then have to take the responsibility to change the behavior that caused your misfortunes to begin with."
Now I realize there are some events that we have no control over: sickness, accidents, and the action of other people are three things I can think of that we don't have control over. What I am talking about are events that you do have some control over and the desire to do something about it.
Let me give you two obvious examples of self-responsibility and self-honesty. Let's say a student misses 10 days of school and is expelled from school, or a school employee constantly misses work and is fired. Their level of self-honesty and self-responsibility will determine how they will respond to consequences of their actions. The individual with little or no self-honesty/self-responsibility will blame the system or someone else for the consequences of their actions, and make no changes to their behavior. On the other hand, the students or worker who are honest with themselves will realize they could have prevented their expulsion, or firing by simply getting up each morning and going to school, or reporting to work every day. Self-responsibility/self-honesty will cause this person to modify his or her behavior to ensure it doesn't happen again. It's as simple at that.
When you apply self-honesty/self-responsibility to all aspects of your life, you will find out that you will argue less with family members, fellow students, and co-workers. You will find there are less and less crises in your life, and you will change many of your habits that cause you trouble. Self-responsibility will nip many crises in the bud because they won't have a chance to grow and become a problem. You will find out that you spend less time feeling sorry for yourself, instead you will be enjoying yourself more because you have taken steps to keep bad things from happening to you. Finally, your new attitude will gain you the respect of your family, friends, and community.
I would also venture to say, the greater the number individuals with self-responsibility in any given community, the healthier that community is going to be. Absenteeism will decline in the schools and workplace. There will be less conflict in the schools and in the workplace due to policy and procedures being followed. The community will become safer due to its laws being followed. All types of social ills will decline: child abuse, juvenile delinquency, alcoholism, favoritism in school and workplace. Less and less people will depend on community services, and those who receive services will receive them based on need, not on who they are related to.
Why do some individuals take responsibility for their actions and correct their harmful behavior, and others don't? Is it character, or lack of it? Is it habits learned and hard to break? Those are questions only you as an individual can answer? Strictly speaking, for myself, I try very hard to follow the advice given to me long ago. Moreover, I admit there are times when I don't do so well and I usually end up paying dearly for it. But, I truly believe that I would not be where I am today; I would not be alcohol and drug free, I would not been capable of raising my sons and daughter as a single parent, I would not have returned to school and received my college degrees, I would not have my own company and I would not be enjoying my life today, if I did not try very hard to follow that simple piece of advise that was given to me so many years ago.
In closing I would like to leave the graduation class of 2006 with this advice. In the upcoming months, as you plan your future, look for a role model that you want to emulate. The role model you pick should be an individual who is no more then four-five years older than you, but who has their life together. By that I mean a young man or woman who may be attending college on a regular basis, or some one who gets up and goes to work every day, a person who is not into drugs or alcohol, who has their own car, and is living on their own. The reason say only four-five years older then you is because you will find it hard to relate to an individual who is several years or more older than you. Older people have spent years getting where they are at and you might find it frustrating if you do not reach their level of accomplishment right away. Instead, by emulating someone closer to your age, a young person who exhibits the trait of self-honesty, you will find you will meet you goals more quickly. Do your best to emulate that individual and when you do, you will be pleasantly surprised to find your family, relatives and friends referring to you as a person who has taken responsibility for your life. Thank you.
Looking back, I now realize several events took place that eventually made me look at the life of a lie I was living.
The first was going through a six weeks alcoholics anonymous (AA) recovery program while I was in the Marine Corp. Although I went back to drinking a couple of months after completing the program, I came out of that program with the realization I was a hard-core alcoholic. I could no longer lie to myself anymore. Every time I picked up a can of beer, I knew it was wrong for me.
The second event happened several years later, when I was 29 years old. While driving drunk, I rolled my car and ended up with a broken back. I became 40% permanently paralyzed from my arm to my leg on my left side because of the accident. During my long recovery period, I thought about what had happened and I could not lie to myself. I knew it was because of my drinking. Nevertheless, I kept on drinking.
The third event happened soon after my 30th birthday. I began to recall my mother's words to me when I was a kid during the times when I was hung over. My mother was always so proud of me and had high expectations for me. She would say things like, "You're going to finish [high] school." Finishing high school was a big accomplishment back then. She would also say, "you are going to make something of yourself unlike those Indian men..." who fell victim to a life of alcoholism, and, she would constantly remind me of how smart I was.
Lucky for me, I was committed to treatment for the third time shortly after I turned 31. The recent memory of my mother's words made me committed to getting and staying sober this time. However, I was scared. I knew the hold alcohol had on me - or I thought I did. It was during this third time in rehab that I would hear the words about self-honesty that would literally change my life. A counselor told me something to the effect, "When something goes wrong in your life instead of sitting on the pity pot and feeling sorry for yourself try to trace the origin of it, and if you do, you will find out that 9 times out of 10 at some point you could have prevented it from happening. If you continue to be honest with yourself you will have no problem staying sober."
For whatever reason, the counselor's words had a profound impact on me, and I realized I was lying to myself all along about my alcoholism (and other issues as well). Once I admitted I was truly "powerless' when it came to alcohol, I began the long road to recovery.
Several years after sobering up, I read a book titled, People of the Lie: The Hope for Healing Human Evil, by M. Scott Peck. The gist of his book was that evil was a tangible force in the universe and flourished through people living the life of a lie (lack of self-honesty). Peck pointed out how people who appeared to be living a righteous life often were, in fact, living the life of a lie. In a nutshell, the message in Dr. Peck's book meant that you either lived a life of a lie, or a life of truth. There is no in between.
Partly due to reading Peck's book, I ended a dysfunctional relationship and turned my attentions to my daughter and three sons. I have never regretted that decision, and I now have many fond memories of when my children were growing up.
Do I think I, and anyone else for that matter, will ever achieve total self-honesty? Absolutely not! Self-honesty is a continuous, on-going process. Some issues are easier to be self-honest with than others.
I look around me and see widespread dishonesty and many ethical violations happening in Indian country, and I am amazed at the lack of self-honesty. We have an excuse or reason for every unethical act we commit. What's worse is the extremes we pursue to justify our behavior and/or to avoid the consequences that would be a result of our behavior. Again, total lack of self-honesty.
What was our ancestor's view of self-honesty? In his book, The Soul of an Indian, Charles Eastman talks about the honesty of Crow Dog, convicted of murder, and the dishonesty of his victim, Spotted Tail, a Sioux chief who came into power through deceit. "He [Crow Dog] made no attempt to escape or to evade justice. That the crime was committed in the depths of the forest or at dead of night, witnessed by no human eye, made no difference to his mind. He was thoroughly convinced that all is known to the "Great Mystery" and hence did not hesitate to give himself up, to stand trial by the old and wise men of the victim's clan. His own family and clan made no attempt to excuse or to defend him, but his judges took all the known circumstances into consideration, and if it appeared that he slew in self-defense, or that the provocation was severe, he might be set free after a thirty days' period of mourning in solitude. It is well remembered that Crow Dog, who killed the Sioux chief, Spotted Tail, in 1881, calmly surrendered himself and was tried and convicted by the courts in South Dakota. After his conviction, he was permitted remarkable liberty in prison, such as perhaps no white man has ever enjoyed when under the sentence of death. The cause of his act was a solemn commission received from his people, nearly thirty years earlier, at the time that Spotted Tail usurped the chieftainship by the aid of the military, whom he had aided. Crow Dog was under a vow to slay the chief, in case he ever betrayed or disgraced the name of the Brule Sioux. There is no doubt that he had committed crimes both public and private, having been guilty of misuse of office as well as of gross offenses against morality; therefore his death was not a matter of personal vengeance but of just retribution. A few days before Crow Dog was to be executed, he asked permission to visit his home and say farewell to his wife and twin boys, then nine or ten years old. Strange to say, the request was granted, and the condemned man sent home under escort of the deputy sheriff, who remained at the Indian agency, merely telling his prisoner to report there on the following day. When he did not appear at the time set, the sheriff dispatched the Indian police after him. They did not find him, and his wife simply said that Crow Dog had desired to ride alone to the prison, and would reach there on the day appointed. All doubt was removed the next day by a telegram from Rapid City, two hundred miles distant, saying: "Crow Dog has just reported here." The incident drew public attention to the Indian murderer, with the unexpected result that the case was reopened, and Crow Dog acquitted. He still lives, a well-preserved man of about seventy-five years, and is much respected among his own people."
