I just read Erich's latest blog post, a view on losing a child, from one Dakota parent to another.
Death, visions, religion, spirituality and ethics - how does this all fit together? Erich lost his son. I lost my husband. I was baptized, confirmed, attended school, married and raised my children in the Catholic church. Erich has roots on the reservation that go to the center of the earth and he is Indian to the core and through to the other side.
Coming from such different places, how do we arrive so much in agreement on ethical values?
Courage - the traditional Dakota value that is so central it is even in the name of our next course - Courageous and Ethical Managers. When you have someone so important to you die, you learn some things. Because the worst thing that can possibly happen has already happened, you aren't worried if someone speaks out against you in a meeting, spreads gossip about you or even if you lose your job because you made a courageous, ethical stand and someone with a relative on the council had you fired as a result.
Whether it is Wakan Tonka or Jesus Christ, if you believe there is a greater power over us all, you are not going to be so afraid that Joe the Tribal Worker will get all of his friends to go to the next board meeting and shout out complaints about you. It is not Joe whose standards you are trying to meet in life, it is someone much more important, and the Joes, their shouting, gossiping and even false accusations fade into the background as trivial.
Honesty - every parent acts a little better in front of their children. I lived in some rough neighborhoods in my life and I could swear for twenty minutes straight without repeating myself. However, in front of my children, I watch my language. I partied pretty hard back in the days that I can barely remember (for more reason than one). Once I had children, though, I cleaned up my act. When you meet someone, fall in love, you want to make a good impression. You try to be a better person, live up to their opinion of you. Even dishonest people like Joe act better in front of the boss, the tribal council and others he wants to impress.
Whether you call it the Spirit World, Heaven or something else, if you believe your loved ones are going to see how you are living your life, you feel compelled to be a more honest person, more generous, stronger, more courageous.
Erich believes that visions are sent to remind us and sometimes to guide and help us. The Catholic church teaches that saints were sent to help and remind us of how to live our lives. I wear a St. Jude medal, always. It is just a reminder to me that no matter how hopeless a situation appears to never lose courage, we are not alone.
As far as the original issue, of losing a child, losing a spouse, there is no denying that it changes you forever. Is it for the better? Some people say so. It almost sounds like I am saying that, but I am not. I think in Erich's case, and in mine, we chose to learn some lessons from a devastating loss. Because of Dakota culture, I think Erich handled his loss differently than me, at least in the first few years. He grieved publicly and openly for his son for a long time. No doubt that is one reason other grieving parents seek his advice.
I threw myself into my work, for a long time. I got a lot of grants funded and paid off all the funeral bills and medical bills. Political correctness, be damned, I can guarantee you that Erich's way was better than mine. It took me longer to learn the same things, that there is nothing in life that we cannot survive, that we have people we don't want to ever let down, whether they are watching us in the living room, or in a vision and they aren't the people who are at work, they are the people who are the reason WHY we work.
Death, visions, religion, spirituality and ethics - how does this all fit together? Erich lost his son. I lost my husband. I was baptized, confirmed, attended school, married and raised my children in the Catholic church. Erich has roots on the reservation that go to the center of the earth and he is Indian to the core and through to the other side.
Coming from such different places, how do we arrive so much in agreement on ethical values?
Courage - the traditional Dakota value that is so central it is even in the name of our next course - Courageous and Ethical Managers. When you have someone so important to you die, you learn some things. Because the worst thing that can possibly happen has already happened, you aren't worried if someone speaks out against you in a meeting, spreads gossip about you or even if you lose your job because you made a courageous, ethical stand and someone with a relative on the council had you fired as a result.
Whether it is Wakan Tonka or Jesus Christ, if you believe there is a greater power over us all, you are not going to be so afraid that Joe the Tribal Worker will get all of his friends to go to the next board meeting and shout out complaints about you. It is not Joe whose standards you are trying to meet in life, it is someone much more important, and the Joes, their shouting, gossiping and even false accusations fade into the background as trivial.
Honesty - every parent acts a little better in front of their children. I lived in some rough neighborhoods in my life and I could swear for twenty minutes straight without repeating myself. However, in front of my children, I watch my language. I partied pretty hard back in the days that I can barely remember (for more reason than one). Once I had children, though, I cleaned up my act. When you meet someone, fall in love, you want to make a good impression. You try to be a better person, live up to their opinion of you. Even dishonest people like Joe act better in front of the boss, the tribal council and others he wants to impress.
Whether you call it the Spirit World, Heaven or something else, if you believe your loved ones are going to see how you are living your life, you feel compelled to be a more honest person, more generous, stronger, more courageous.
Erich believes that visions are sent to remind us and sometimes to guide and help us. The Catholic church teaches that saints were sent to help and remind us of how to live our lives. I wear a St. Jude medal, always. It is just a reminder to me that no matter how hopeless a situation appears to never lose courage, we are not alone.
As far as the original issue, of losing a child, losing a spouse, there is no denying that it changes you forever. Is it for the better? Some people say so. It almost sounds like I am saying that, but I am not. I think in Erich's case, and in mine, we chose to learn some lessons from a devastating loss. Because of Dakota culture, I think Erich handled his loss differently than me, at least in the first few years. He grieved publicly and openly for his son for a long time. No doubt that is one reason other grieving parents seek his advice.
I threw myself into my work, for a long time. I got a lot of grants funded and paid off all the funeral bills and medical bills. Political correctness, be damned, I can guarantee you that Erich's way was better than mine. It took me longer to learn the same things, that there is nothing in life that we cannot survive, that we have people we don't want to ever let down, whether they are watching us in the living room, or in a vision and they aren't the people who are at work, they are the people who are the reason WHY we work.
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