The "not-so-innocent" by-stander is a topic covered in our courses, but not often enough, in my opinion. I just had this experience with an organization I work with. They had promised to meet some deadlines - and didn't. I spoke to one of their managers, Fred, who said, basically,
"You are absolutely right, but it's not our fault. You needed to talk to Joe, not me. Just speak to Joe and fill out forms A, B & C and we'll get our part of this project done."
So, I speak to Joe and he says,
"You shouldn't have waited on Fred. Next time come to me personally. I'll get this done right away."
A month goes by. I email Joe. No answer. I call Joe. No answer. I meet with Fred again. He says,
"The problem is we have procedures that need to be followed, you did not involve me in your meeting with Joe. You should have included me. What you need to do is call Sam."
I am not a particularly tactful person, so I tell Fred,
"That is b.s. I did EXACTLY what you told me to do and our project is no closer to being done that it was a month ago. How can you possibly say it wasn't your fault when I did exactly what you told me now you are telling me something else?"
[Incidentally, what I think is going on here is that Fred is afraid to make a decision. He is afraid if he fires Joe for not following through, or if he assigns someone else to the project, or really if he does anything, someone will be mad at him in his organization. So, he just comes up with one stalling tactic after another hoping somehow, the problem will get solved eventually. Maybe we'll just do that part of the project ourselves even though we have already paid them for part of the work. ]
So, I call Sam, who, it turns out has no idea what I am talking about or that this project is his responsibility. So, I schedule a meeting with Sam, Fred, Joe, Tom, Dick & Harry. During the meeting, Fred says,
"It is Susie's fault. She was in this position six months ago before Sam and she should have let him know it is his responsibility to get this work done on time."
At this point, Tom and Harry very sincerely tell me,
"You are absolutely right, but it's not our fault. We didn't know about it, but now that we do, we'll get our part of this project done."
They think I am a rude, terrible person when I reply,
"To hell with you! If you don't have this project done within a month, we aren't working with your organization any more."
Tom and Harry seem like really sincere, competent, ethical people - but so did Fred, Joe and Sam. Here I am months later and no closer to getting what I need. Why is that? How could it possibly be Tom and Harry's fault ? Well, maybe it is and maybe it isn't, but here is what I am thinking. Unless I had the most incredibly bad luck in the world, this isn't the first time this has happened. In fact, in talking to other clients of theirs, I find this has happened many times. I do know that I am one of the few people to tell Fred to his face that he is lying.
Erich's latest blog is on "Cheating and lying is wrong and should be recognized as such." We really don't coordinate our blogs but this just happens to fit with what I am talking about.
Let's say Tom and Harry really are good people. Why did it take months of this kind of behavior and someone from the outside to come in and say,
"You said one thing to me and now you are saying something completely different. I don't believe you now."
If Tom and Harry really are good people, what will they do now? I would assume that they will find out why they are behind schedule and actually get the work done. Will I trust them then? As unfair as it seems, the answer is no. They work for an organization that has proven itself untrustworthy. Unfair as it seems, THEY are part of the problem in my view, because they did not speak up before. They are not so innocent by-standers, even if they tell themselves they are.
What is my challenge now? To not become a not-so-innocent bystander myself. I need the courage to go back to our board and say,
"Yes, we have a long-standing relationship with these people but they have proven to be not trustworthy. Tom and Harry seem like they might be ethical people but if they do not meet this new deadline, I propose we end our relationship with this organization."
So, that is exactly what I did. It may turn out that our new partner is even worse, or that we can't do the work ourselves. Some board members may blame me for this not working out with Fred's organization. I actually understand Fred. And I don't want to turn into him.
"You are absolutely right, but it's not our fault. You needed to talk to Joe, not me. Just speak to Joe and fill out forms A, B & C and we'll get our part of this project done."
So, I speak to Joe and he says,
"You shouldn't have waited on Fred. Next time come to me personally. I'll get this done right away."
A month goes by. I email Joe. No answer. I call Joe. No answer. I meet with Fred again. He says,
"The problem is we have procedures that need to be followed, you did not involve me in your meeting with Joe. You should have included me. What you need to do is call Sam."
I am not a particularly tactful person, so I tell Fred,
"That is b.s. I did EXACTLY what you told me to do and our project is no closer to being done that it was a month ago. How can you possibly say it wasn't your fault when I did exactly what you told me now you are telling me something else?"
[Incidentally, what I think is going on here is that Fred is afraid to make a decision. He is afraid if he fires Joe for not following through, or if he assigns someone else to the project, or really if he does anything, someone will be mad at him in his organization. So, he just comes up with one stalling tactic after another hoping somehow, the problem will get solved eventually. Maybe we'll just do that part of the project ourselves even though we have already paid them for part of the work. ]
So, I call Sam, who, it turns out has no idea what I am talking about or that this project is his responsibility. So, I schedule a meeting with Sam, Fred, Joe, Tom, Dick & Harry. During the meeting, Fred says,
"It is Susie's fault. She was in this position six months ago before Sam and she should have let him know it is his responsibility to get this work done on time."
At this point, Tom and Harry very sincerely tell me,
"You are absolutely right, but it's not our fault. We didn't know about it, but now that we do, we'll get our part of this project done."
They think I am a rude, terrible person when I reply,
"To hell with you! If you don't have this project done within a month, we aren't working with your organization any more."
Tom and Harry seem like really sincere, competent, ethical people - but so did Fred, Joe and Sam. Here I am months later and no closer to getting what I need. Why is that? How could it possibly be Tom and Harry's fault ? Well, maybe it is and maybe it isn't, but here is what I am thinking. Unless I had the most incredibly bad luck in the world, this isn't the first time this has happened. In fact, in talking to other clients of theirs, I find this has happened many times. I do know that I am one of the few people to tell Fred to his face that he is lying.
Erich's latest blog is on "Cheating and lying is wrong and should be recognized as such." We really don't coordinate our blogs but this just happens to fit with what I am talking about.
Let's say Tom and Harry really are good people. Why did it take months of this kind of behavior and someone from the outside to come in and say,
"You said one thing to me and now you are saying something completely different. I don't believe you now."
If Tom and Harry really are good people, what will they do now? I would assume that they will find out why they are behind schedule and actually get the work done. Will I trust them then? As unfair as it seems, the answer is no. They work for an organization that has proven itself untrustworthy. Unfair as it seems, THEY are part of the problem in my view, because they did not speak up before. They are not so innocent by-standers, even if they tell themselves they are.
What is my challenge now? To not become a not-so-innocent bystander myself. I need the courage to go back to our board and say,
"Yes, we have a long-standing relationship with these people but they have proven to be not trustworthy. Tom and Harry seem like they might be ethical people but if they do not meet this new deadline, I propose we end our relationship with this organization."
So, that is exactly what I did. It may turn out that our new partner is even worse, or that we can't do the work ourselves. Some board members may blame me for this not working out with Fred's organization. I actually understand Fred. And I don't want to turn into him.
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