Today, Erich and I were talking about why so many people who get elected to a board or appointed to a commission don't stick it out for their full term. Often, they quit within months. I said,
"You see people come in with a lot of passion. They are going to do good. Often these are young people, or, sometimes, people who have been alcoholics and they are young in terms of involvement in their community. They come in with the best of intentions, with ideas and enthusiasm. Then, four months later, they are out. Then, there are other people, like Willie, like Evelyn, like Lorraine, who you see on their reservations pushing for what they believe in, whether it is disability rights or early childhood education or preserving the Dakota language. I was thinking about the difference - "
Erich didn't even let me finish. He said,
"I'll tell you what the difference is, the really big difference. Those people you mentioned are leaders. The others, they get on a board to try to get some power, their own way, get even with people, and when they find that the little bit of power they have doesn't force everyone to do what they want all the time, they quit."
I agreed with him that there might be some of that, but thinking about all of the people I have met on different reservations in the past 20 years, all of the meetings I have attended, I can recall a lot of people who came in with good intentions and wanted to reduce alcohol use among youth, or have preschool programs that would prepare children for kindergarten or improve the opportunities for people with disabilities. Yet, a lot of those people didn't last a year from that first meeting where they showed up full of ideas and energy. It seemed like they just got beat down.
Erich insisted again,
"They weren't leaders."
And then the light went on and I began thinking about what we really mean by a leader. What's the difference between those people who come to a few meetings, tell everyone how everything should be run, help with a bake sale or knocking on doors before an election and then just disappear when things don't immediately change. As Erich says, they give up at the sign of the first roadblock.
What makes one person a leader and another just a "do-gooder"?
I'm always confused when people refer to me as a leader. Erich, yeah, I can see it. He doesn't mind going to meet with senators on Capitol Hill and gives a professional response to old people who stand up and holler at him at school board meetings. Me, I much prefer meeting with the technical people than senators, and would a whole lot rather be at a keyboard in a meeting. On occasion, I have told old people who hollered at me,
"You know, I would get upset, but you're old and you're going to die soon and I will still be here trying to make things better the best I know how."
When I thought about it, the difference seems to boil down to all of those Dakota values that Erich writes about so much. (If you are interested, a good introduction is on the tribal leaders wiki )
A big one is perseverance/ fortitude. Real leaders weather the tests of time. In every cause, whether it is language preservation, alcoholism treatment, stopping water pollution or a thousand other things, there are going to be people who are opposed to you. Some of them may actually have a reason. They may believe that more funds should be spent on prevention of alcoholism instead of treatment. They may really believe that prevention activities don't work and you are wasting the tribe's money on basketball and arts and crafts programs just so you can give your relatives jobs. Or, they may just be mean-spirited people who want to pull down someone like you who is trying to start a program that might make a difference, the "Indian crab mentality" that we were discussing on the Tribal Leaders Council .
It's not so hard to start a program, to be in at the beginning of a new board. Everyone is congratulating you, people are being nice to you, hoping to get favors down the road. Then the work sets in. The work that takes strength - fortitude, that requires you to go to a meeting in the evening after you worked all day, to get up on Saturday and drive through the snow because your program is having a booth at the health fair being held in the high school and it is your turn to show up. You have to have the the fortitude to do more than most people, to be there earlier, to stay later, to get on the Internet and find information about funding you could get, new rules that apply to your program.
Not only do you have to do work, but you have to do it against obstacles. You get to the high school and it is closed because the person in charge of the health fair forgot, or the custodian who was supposed to open the building overslept. The tribal council doesn't vote you all of the funding you really feel you need.
In small communities, there is always jealousy. There is probably jealousy everywhere but in a smaller place, it can get more personal. People can start to say things behind your back like,
"Don't you think that's pretty funny Susie is up here talking about alcohol treatment when she used to be the biggest boozer on the reservation? I remember the time that she .... "
or
"That Susie has a lot of nerve getting up there and talking about how we need to do so much for the children. I'm always seeing her son in trouble at school. He's got caught smoking cigarettes, is failing two or three subjects. Maybe she ought to quit going to these meetings and look after her own family."
Do they think that perhaps the reason that you are supporting treatment so much is that it was there when you needed it and you benefited? Has it occurred to these people that the reason you are so involved with the school is that you want it to meet the needs of your son and others like him?
In times like these, it is easy to get mad and want to quit. You are using energy, time, money that you could use for something else, like on your own family. This is where the value of generosity comes in. You, as a leader, realize that it is not all about you and your family. You make it a point to give a part of yourself to the larger community.
Another value that leaders have that do-gooders do not is courage. It's hard to stand up as president of the school board, chair of the president policy council, to speak on behalf of ADA to the tribal council and have people mock you, argue with you and make personal attacks. These things happen, unfortunately. A leader has the courage to stand up for his/her rights and the rights of others. Years ago, my daughter, Maria, a journalist, wrote a few articles where she defended the rights of people to read, write and speak in whatever language they choose. She received hate mail from people telling her she was ruining the country, she should go back to Mexico. (Actually, our ancestors came from Venezuela.)
Maria said, "First, I cried. How could people say such mean things to me. And then I wrote. Because that's what I do. I am a writer."
Finally, leaders have honesty. Honesty is not only telling the truth but also honoring commitments.You accepted on appointment on this board or you ran for election and in doing so, you made a commitment to the people who supported you. Real leaders honor that commitment. Do-gooders excuse their dropping out with "well, it's not as if I am getting paid for this. After all, I have other responsibilities. Besides, I have to think about my own family."
If you have honesty, you remember that you had that same family and job when you agreed to take your position on a board. You at least have the honesty to admit that you are quitting because of a lack of courage to face the opposition, a lack of the perserverance/ fortitude to keep plugging away when it gets tough and a lack of generosity to give to others without any expectation of return. It is easy to help your own family and close friends. They appreciate you, will help you back and (usually) will not engage in mean-spirited attacks on you.
To reach out, to try to help your community, to not give up, to have the courage, generosity, perserverance and honesty to keep plugging away day after day, THAT is a leader.
A do-gooder may DO good sometimes but a leader IS ethical.
"You see people come in with a lot of passion. They are going to do good. Often these are young people, or, sometimes, people who have been alcoholics and they are young in terms of involvement in their community. They come in with the best of intentions, with ideas and enthusiasm. Then, four months later, they are out. Then, there are other people, like Willie, like Evelyn, like Lorraine, who you see on their reservations pushing for what they believe in, whether it is disability rights or early childhood education or preserving the Dakota language. I was thinking about the difference - "
Erich didn't even let me finish. He said,
"I'll tell you what the difference is, the really big difference. Those people you mentioned are leaders. The others, they get on a board to try to get some power, their own way, get even with people, and when they find that the little bit of power they have doesn't force everyone to do what they want all the time, they quit."
I agreed with him that there might be some of that, but thinking about all of the people I have met on different reservations in the past 20 years, all of the meetings I have attended, I can recall a lot of people who came in with good intentions and wanted to reduce alcohol use among youth, or have preschool programs that would prepare children for kindergarten or improve the opportunities for people with disabilities. Yet, a lot of those people didn't last a year from that first meeting where they showed up full of ideas and energy. It seemed like they just got beat down.
Erich insisted again,"They weren't leaders."
And then the light went on and I began thinking about what we really mean by a leader. What's the difference between those people who come to a few meetings, tell everyone how everything should be run, help with a bake sale or knocking on doors before an election and then just disappear when things don't immediately change. As Erich says, they give up at the sign of the first roadblock.
What makes one person a leader and another just a "do-gooder"?
I'm always confused when people refer to me as a leader. Erich, yeah, I can see it. He doesn't mind going to meet with senators on Capitol Hill and gives a professional response to old people who stand up and holler at him at school board meetings. Me, I much prefer meeting with the technical people than senators, and would a whole lot rather be at a keyboard in a meeting. On occasion, I have told old people who hollered at me,
"You know, I would get upset, but you're old and you're going to die soon and I will still be here trying to make things better the best I know how."
When I thought about it, the difference seems to boil down to all of those Dakota values that Erich writes about so much. (If you are interested, a good introduction is on the tribal leaders wiki )
A big one is perseverance/ fortitude. Real leaders weather the tests of time. In every cause, whether it is language preservation, alcoholism treatment, stopping water pollution or a thousand other things, there are going to be people who are opposed to you. Some of them may actually have a reason. They may believe that more funds should be spent on prevention of alcoholism instead of treatment. They may really believe that prevention activities don't work and you are wasting the tribe's money on basketball and arts and crafts programs just so you can give your relatives jobs. Or, they may just be mean-spirited people who want to pull down someone like you who is trying to start a program that might make a difference, the "Indian crab mentality" that we were discussing on the Tribal Leaders Council .
It's not so hard to start a program, to be in at the beginning of a new board. Everyone is congratulating you, people are being nice to you, hoping to get favors down the road. Then the work sets in. The work that takes strength - fortitude, that requires you to go to a meeting in the evening after you worked all day, to get up on Saturday and drive through the snow because your program is having a booth at the health fair being held in the high school and it is your turn to show up. You have to have the the fortitude to do more than most people, to be there earlier, to stay later, to get on the Internet and find information about funding you could get, new rules that apply to your program.
Not only do you have to do work, but you have to do it against obstacles. You get to the high school and it is closed because the person in charge of the health fair forgot, or the custodian who was supposed to open the building overslept. The tribal council doesn't vote you all of the funding you really feel you need.
In small communities, there is always jealousy. There is probably jealousy everywhere but in a smaller place, it can get more personal. People can start to say things behind your back like,
"Don't you think that's pretty funny Susie is up here talking about alcohol treatment when she used to be the biggest boozer on the reservation? I remember the time that she .... "
or
"That Susie has a lot of nerve getting up there and talking about how we need to do so much for the children. I'm always seeing her son in trouble at school. He's got caught smoking cigarettes, is failing two or three subjects. Maybe she ought to quit going to these meetings and look after her own family."
Do they think that perhaps the reason that you are supporting treatment so much is that it was there when you needed it and you benefited? Has it occurred to these people that the reason you are so involved with the school is that you want it to meet the needs of your son and others like him?
In times like these, it is easy to get mad and want to quit. You are using energy, time, money that you could use for something else, like on your own family. This is where the value of generosity comes in. You, as a leader, realize that it is not all about you and your family. You make it a point to give a part of yourself to the larger community.
Another value that leaders have that do-gooders do not is courage. It's hard to stand up as president of the school board, chair of the president policy council, to speak on behalf of ADA to the tribal council and have people mock you, argue with you and make personal attacks. These things happen, unfortunately. A leader has the courage to stand up for his/her rights and the rights of others. Years ago, my daughter, Maria, a journalist, wrote a few articles where she defended the rights of people to read, write and speak in whatever language they choose. She received hate mail from people telling her she was ruining the country, she should go back to Mexico. (Actually, our ancestors came from Venezuela.)
Maria said, "First, I cried. How could people say such mean things to me. And then I wrote. Because that's what I do. I am a writer."Finally, leaders have honesty. Honesty is not only telling the truth but also honoring commitments.You accepted on appointment on this board or you ran for election and in doing so, you made a commitment to the people who supported you. Real leaders honor that commitment. Do-gooders excuse their dropping out with "well, it's not as if I am getting paid for this. After all, I have other responsibilities. Besides, I have to think about my own family."
If you have honesty, you remember that you had that same family and job when you agreed to take your position on a board. You at least have the honesty to admit that you are quitting because of a lack of courage to face the opposition, a lack of the perserverance/ fortitude to keep plugging away when it gets tough and a lack of generosity to give to others without any expectation of return. It is easy to help your own family and close friends. They appreciate you, will help you back and (usually) will not engage in mean-spirited attacks on you.
To reach out, to try to help your community, to not give up, to have the courage, generosity, perserverance and honesty to keep plugging away day after day, THAT is a leader.
A do-gooder may DO good sometimes but a leader IS ethical.
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