Things were not always perfect. If my father started seeing a different therapist, was placed in a facility he did not approve of, or changed medications, I wouldn’t see him sometimes for months on end. Because of this, I had to grow up a little faster than the other teenagers my age. While my friends complained of unfair curfews, I thought, well at least you have a father around who can discipline you. When they whined about having parents around and yearned to move out, I would wryly recall my last visit to see my father, seeing the mental state of his housemates and being afraid for his safety.
Believe it or not, I am grateful for the experience of having a parent with a disability. I grew up less sheltered than my other friends and appreciated my parents a lot more while I was growing up. I appreciated my father’s efforts to keep in touch and grew to know him as a person rather than a father. I developed an amazing relationship with my mother, since it was just the two of us for the majority of my childhood. I am proud of myself and of him for trying so hard to keep a positive relationship with each other. We developed a unique relationship where we became friends rather than ‘father and daughter”. His disability ended up giving us a chance to get to know each other on a more personal level. He could not discipline me, or give me advice on friends and school. Instead, we shared a deep friendship that I will never regret, or forget. It was hard though, and sometimes I wish I had taken the advice of others around me to seek therapy. I am starting to notice that as I grow into a woman, my past with my father is starting to catch up with me.
I would recommend to a fellow child who has a parent with a disability to go to therapy. I would also advise the parents to allow the child to deal with the disability diagnosis at their own time and in their own way. When you are young, it is hard to understand the “right” thing to do in a situation like this. Patience is key in waiting for your child to understand the ramifications of his/her parent’s disability. But if you have love, the rest will fall into place.
Siblings: A relationship for life